Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Local Mom Frantic About Water Being Shut Off (I'm making fun of myself with a The Onion-esque post)

MIDWESTERN SMALL TOWN--Upon returning home from a full day away, Becky, an area mom of three young daughters, was greeted by the foreboding sight of yet another neon notification paper.


"Not again!" she exclaimed.  Becky's water was being shut off for the second day in a row due to road construction.

"She was pretty worked up," her husband, Aaron, reported.  "Becky's not a high maintenance lady.  I guess she just really values being able to flush the toilet."

In response to our inquiry, Becky explained, "It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the second day in a row.  I mean, on day 1, I managed to be gone for much of the day.  My oldest daughter was safely away at school where she could freely drink water, wash her hands, and flush the toilet.  The little ones each had a dentist appointment and then we drove a half hour away so we could have Panera for lunch.  I had some Kohl's cash to spend, so the retail therapy helped put my mind at ease.  After that, I took the girls to visit our friend, Steph.  The plan was for the girls to nap there, but you know how that goes."  She sighed.  "Gracie was bugging Maggie like it was her job.  And if it was her job, she would have gotten a promotion due to excellent job performance."

"I mentioned to Becky that you can manually add water to your toilet tank to force a flush," Steph informed reporters.  "She was visibly relieved.  I guess I thought that was something that everyone knew."

When asked why she gets so frantic about potentially not being able to flush the toilet, Becky responded, "Do you have 3 young daughters?  You should see how much toilet paper they use!  I mean, I gently remind them to use 4 to 6 squares, but sometimes I think they just give the roll a spin and watch it fly off.  I genuinely don't know if it would be possible to flush all of that at the end of the day."

In response to being asked what her plan was for day 2, Becky shook her head, "I suppose I'll fill the bathtub with water so I can flush the toilet in case of emergency.  I need water for supper, so I'll set some out just in case it's not back on in time."


"You know, if I wanted to live like the Little House on the Prairie days I would go camping," Becky added.  "I mean, at least Ma and Laura could get water from a well or stream.  What if I spontaneously need to take a shower in the middle of the day?  I have no alternative water source besides, you know, the faucet.  I can't wash our clothes in the little bit of water that's in our Keurig."

"I usually wash clothes in the evening," Aaron answered after much prodding  "It is kind of funny that she's so worried about something that she doesn't do all that often."

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